Jessi’s Baby-sitter

Stoneybrook is under attack! In a freak instance of actual parenting, upon deciding to go back to work, Daddy and Mama Ramsey decide to bring Aunt Cecelia to live with them to take care of the kids and house. Jessi is blown away by this affront to her position as official family baby-sitter, and goes on a vigilante mission to take back her turf (aka Squirt, her one year old brother). In this book, Jessi is honestly a combination of a desperate housewife and an actual sixth grader. It’s a weird mash-up that could only happen in Stoneybrook, because seriously where else would a middle schooler be sad (to the point of destructive rage) that someone else is there to change diapers and make after school snacks?!

Into the plot: Mama Ramsey gets a job for the first time in eleven years, and is ready to go back to work. That part is exciting, but (cue ominous music), it means that Daddy Ramsey’s widowed sister is moving in to be the indentured servant of the clan. This is classic Stoneybrook – the only options for working moms are to employ middle school girls or to find rando relatives to become the live-in help. Jessi is horrified, because Aunt Cecelia is the legit worst, and she and Becca plot to destroy their aunt even before she arrives.

As a subplot interlude, Jessi pressures Jackie Rodowsky into entering the Stoneybrook Elementary School science fair. Jackie just wants to build a volcano due to his love of the iconic Brady Bunch volcano scene:

Instead of indulging this badass goal, our girl Jessi has to make it both competitive and boring and starts drilling him on types of rock. Jackie hates this entire process and keeps trying to get out of it, but Jessi the bulldozer won’t let that happen. It’s a charming parallel to her home life with Aunt Cecelia, who she maturely starts referring to as Aunt Dictator. She and Becca start pranking this poor woman, including short-sheeting her bed, filling her slippers with shaving cream, and putting a fake spider in her bed. How is this girl supposed to be mature again?

The Ramsey adults are clearly communication failures. Aunt Cecelia is left in charge of the kids, but has been given no orientation or instructions about the normal routines of the household. She doesn’t know that Jessi baby-sits, and is allowed to do so, or about curfews, or literally anything else.

In the end, Jackie loses the science fair, Jessi apologizes to him, his parents, and for some reason her parents, for pushing him, and Aunt Cecelia reveals that she’s been Aunt Dictator-ing because she’s intimidated by Jessi’s baby-sitting expertise. Gag me.

Awards:

Dumbest Quote: Jessi, upon hearing that her mom has a job, blurts out, “Boy, I guess you’ll really need me to baby-sit now. I’ll take care of Becca and Squirt every afternoon that I can. But who will watch Squirt while I’m at school? And who will baby-sit while I’m at my dance lessons?” Seriously Jessi, your parents are adults. They’re not actually relying on you for full-time childcare.

Most Unexpected Character Behavior: The Pike kids decide to turn their house into a library (cute/destructive, as per usual), and when neighborhood kids show up during dinner to return books, the Pike parents make a rule! The library is only open until 6 PM, and not during dinner. Way to set a (flimsy) boundary, Pikes!

Best Science Fair Project: While Charlotte Johanssen wins an actual award, my prize goes to Margo Pike, who creates a shadow box of the moon, which is described by Mallory as follows – “She seems to have decided that Barbie, Ken, and Skipper inhabit the moon, and that they dress in pink and silver sparkly outfits, kind of like the ones that the Jetsons used to wear.” YAAAS MARGO.

Jessi’s Big Break

Fellow BSC-nerds, welcome to my first review of a Jessi book! These were never my favorites as a kid, mainly because Jessi always seemed so…normal. Her problems never had anything to do with boys, or parental neglect, or any of the other excessive dramas of the more ‘grown-up’ sitters. Jessi was only eleven, and therefore was never able to be a role model like Stacey, who wandered Manhattan solo, or even Mary Anne, whose ability to knit was oddly cool. But in this book, Jessi Ramsey takes center stage, and I kind of love it.

Jessi, in case anyone forgot, has the defining character trait of being a ballerina. Other than baby-sitting, piggy-backing on Mallory’s love of horse stories, and griping about being eleven, the core identity of Jessi is being a dancer. Like any true BSC-er, once she took on a passion, she automatically became great at it, and is accepted to Dance New York, a (fictional) dance company/school for a one-month program for promising dancers. There’s plenty of angst about her going – Becca, her eight year old sister, immediately develops abandonment issues, and Mallory, Queen of FOMO, both lose it entirely.

Jessi crashes with Michael and Marian, her Aunt Cecelia’s son and daughter-in-law. They live in Brooklyn, before it was cool. They’re clearly not a Stoneybrook couple. They order in Chinese food, which is apparently scandalous, they don’t have an elevator, and sometimes they work on weekends. Horror of horrors. Michael is Mr. Take One For The Team, because he agrees to escort this eleven year old kid to school every day for a month.

So, Dance NY. Here’s the cast of characters:

• Quint Walter, Jessi’s PG lover from New York, is there too! Apparently at some point between their last date and now, they’ve agreed to be just friends, but Quint is ready to get back into hand-holding territory with this prima ballerina.
• Maritza Cruz, Quint’s classmate from Julliard, becomes Jessi’s dance BFF.
• David Brailsford is the head choreographer/object of intense fangirling from all the kids. He seems pretty cool, but I’m not a dancer, so I may be missing some of the manic love that Jessi feels.
• Tanisha is Maritza’s big sister and is a member of the ‘permanent company.’ She’s part of Dance NY full time. Jessi idolizes Tanisha.

Jessi has lots of imposter syndrome. She’s used to being the best in the class back in Stoneybrook, so she’s being pushed for the first time in forever, and it initially crushes her as a human being. But after literally a day, she becomes the star student, and Mr. Brailsford compares her to Judith Jamison, who is apparently a real person, and a big deal. Mazal tov, Jessi!

Jessi’s best New York encounters are as follows:

• She visits Quint’s family for dinner, and regrets it since she is hoping to stick with being just friends. Her idea of something more casual would have been an afternoon walk in the park. Quint, on the other hand, wants to go out for dessert. He describes the establishment by saying: “There’s a really great place for desserts and stuff, with booths. It’s really private.” Just as a general comment, I’m pretty sure my husband would never notice the kind of seating arrangements in a restaurant as a pro or con. Who is this kid?
• Michael and Marian know how to show someone a good time – in one week, they do Jazz at the Blue Note, a Broadway show, a concert at Carnegie Hall, and assorted restaurants.
• Maritza’s parents apparently don’t know that they actually live in New York, because they decide to treat the kids to a ‘New York Saturation Saturday’ which involves hitting up the Statue of Liberty, Twin Towers, Chinatown, the Rockefeller Center skating rink, and dinner in Little Italy – aka all things that no one from the city would ever opt to do.

Eventually, since Stoneybrook has a magnetic pull on these girls, Mallory comes to visit. It turns out that Jessi has been so caught up in her dance persona that she never told any of her new friends about the BSC. Way to break free of the cult, girl!

Jessi’s dual selves come to a head when Mr. Brailsford asks her to audition for the permanent company. She’s actually accepted (yay!), but goes through a lot of soul searching about what it would mean to move to New York permanently, and ultimately decides to stay in Stoneybrook. I think it’s supposed to be reassuring and heartwarming, but I’m awful and am officially mad at her for giving up this opportunity. This is your chance to escape, Jessi! Take it!

Awards:

• Most condescending remark – Jessi to Mallory. “In New York, restaurants deliver. Not just pizza. Anything you want.”
• Dumbest adult – Aunt Cecelia, who gives an important message to Claire Pike over the phone, despite her being five and unstable, leading to no one knowing that the Ramsey adults would be literally hours late.
• Best description – Claudia is referred to as the BSC Snack Czar.
• Best educator moment – David Brailsford. “This class is about one thing. Love. And dance. Here, they’re the same.”